Tuesday, October 13, 2009 { 9:42 AM }

life is such a fool, isnt it? i really had enough leading with this kind of life. am i living in this world as a human or ciggerate? why are people doing this tuh me? i love you, and this is what i get in return? i cant regret for loving you. but you make me tuh. i hate being like this. i severely hate it. plese fuck with this fucking life, damn it. leave me alone evryone.

Monday, October 12, 2009 { 11:12 PM }

its already been 3days ive been living outside. thres nothing much that i would want tuh elaborate about that. and its alr been two weeks plus since i last receive your messages. what are we now??? are we doing a silent break here? why are you keeping yourself silent? please dont treat me like a doll. if you dont love me anymore, you can jast straight forward tell me right? i hate people making a love decision by following what people say. why didnt you make your own decision?? and why mast you keep many thangs from me???? i love you so much and sacrificed alot for you and this is what i get in return???? why are you doing this tuh me??? why?? annd why???? i really you you so much for doing this tuh me repeatedly ! after been reading your blog, im rfeally sad. and honestly, i cried upon reading your blog. you are jast treating me like a doll? you once sweared tuh yourself about not having anymore gf after ger. but whye are you making me falling in love with you??? you are afraid of getting hurt again. im soree, but i guess you have tuh correct your own statement. yes, its true that ive hurt you before. but not dha hurts that you gave me. ive been going through all these by myself and you didnt have dha initiative tuh kalw or text me while i think we are stilll in a relationship as we didnt make any decision yet. ive sick and tired fo going through all these sorrows by myself since 24th July 2009. please laaa, have dha attempt tuh text me or somethang. atleast i know what you have decided. i hate maing decisions by myself. cause this is about between me and you. and both of us have dha rights tuh make our own decision. if you really want tuh stop this relationship, tell me so. so that i wouldnt need to wait fo you fo so long. and naw i understand what does this relationship means tuh you. i hate silent break cause i will still feel that we are still being together. if you really want tuh put this relationship tuh an end, say so and i wouldnt have tuh be like a crazy woman finding you. takkaire. i'll be waiting fo your messages.

Thursday, September 17, 2009 { 11:54 PM }

i just realise tht life will never be fair. yes, it will never be as fair as i expected. ive had enough leading w this unfair life. whatever ive done its all a trash that should be thrown in the fucking bin. loving someone is totally no use. cause he i know he will never love me like haw i did. when will i ever love the correct person? why must be the wrong person? i know i cant feel regret cause no matter what, it will never change to better. i know him well. he will always stick to his decisions and will never make a change into it. even when he knows whatever he did was all wrong. people may be asking why am i so stupid to shower all my love to this person. why? come on guys, put yourself in my shoes. lets take an example that you love a guy/girl, but this time this person is so much special to you until you dont mind sacrificing your time to be with this person. and you didnt even give a damn on what people around you is talking about your love one. cause you know, when you love this person, you will put everything aside. im still wondering, am i really a ciggerate to every guy? and just to kill time? am i? please laaa humans, get to know me first befo judging me. im not those typical girls who you can just make use and throw whenever you want. im living to find happiness and wish to earn a true love. not just being use by stupid jerks. ive really been putting alot of patience with humans and they're just taking an advantage on me. if only one day, one fine day pardon me, a special person that is coming to my life and start afresh with me, i will really be honoured. i dont need that person to be fully perfect. in fact i dont even need him to be 100% romantic. i just need a true and sincere love.
i velieve everyone wants it right ? i just cant stop talking about this. why? cause im still not happy with my love story. yes, im not. love, i just really hope that one day you will realise how much i love you and why am i doing all this. annd ohh, i have the feeling that i will not be staying long enough on this Earth. dont ask me why. cause i began to find out about somthing that mummy and love hav been keeping from me.
i dont deny that i do have couples of true friend. after been helping me alot, i find that Sulhi is really a nice guy and bring me to get to know his friends. the names that i remembered, Asri, Fouad, Iiqal, . they are such a wonderful fren. and yes, a lovely frens. thankyou so much guys and im sorry fo putting a really hard tyme on eu guys. i love you guys.
adios.

Labels: Im Hoping To Be Home By Now. I Miss My Family :'(

{ 8:15 PM }

hellos. im currently chatting with masbakar annd sulhi . will be meeting sulhi soon under asri's blok. annd ohh, yesterday i skept over at asri's crib. thanks dude fo having a place fo me to sleep . im so much thankful to these people who have been helping me alot. sulhi and hys friends. last today i was at fouad's crib and today asri. ive been shifting here and there cause i can no longer seek a help from mhy own bf. why? he's been saying ''enta'', ''tatawu'', ''tulah i nan pikir'' and sorts when i asked hym where am i going to sleep today. okeh, i know its no use asking hym the same thang cux i know he will simply say the same thang. seriously im totally blank of where to go next. i really hope to meet love today. yesterday we didnt get to meet each other as he's busy attending hys meeting till 1am . yes, im fucked up. thanks to asri for being thre fo me. at 2am, after stop using the lappy, i fall asleep when watching the tv with asri. i think he did to. but im not sure what tyme he wake me up and had asked me to sleep in hys sister's room. at 3plus in the morning i still cant get myself on bed. and out to the living room roo find asri. he's alr asleep and im sorry to wake eu up. he had asked me to sleep on the sofa where he slept earlier and he shifted hymself to the other sofa that is the smaller one. haw gentleman he is. he grab a pillow and a blanket fo me and companied me to sleep. and at last, i fall asleep this tyme.
this morning he was suppose to go to school early in the morning but when i woke up at 6plus to 7, he's still sleeping. i dare not wake hym up cux im afraid he's still sleepy. hys parents went out of the house early in the morning. at 9plus if im not wrong, asri is ready to go to school. he'll finish school at 12pm today. so i will be waiting fo hym . ey ! its already 11.20 and i need to meet sulhi under asri's block now. byes ! will update more later.

{ 2:33 AM }

until now i still cant get over with the post that he posted in his blog. damn, i just feel so much of hurts. why are you doing this to me boy?? why?? what am i to you? the quote that you've said. ''Girls are just like ciggarettes,they are just to kill time''. what does that mean baby? why do you say that? please laa humans, not evry girls are like that i believe. you dont even try to find out for who i am and know me well, and you said that. why are you spouting all that nonsense? am i that bad to you? i dont see you appreciate all my tears that ive wasted on you. i dont easily waste my tears for no reasons. cause i believe every tears that drop out from my eyes, has every meanings with it. why am i so stupid to cry over for you? to even cry when i know im not in the wrong. i love you for some reasons. but not for the attitude that you showed to me. why cant you for once try to understand how i feel? for once im asking from you. im not the girl that you think and i will never be the girl that meant in your quote. i love you with all my heart but please bayb, dont do this to me. im sick and tired of being hurt. but please, dont ever ask me to leave you. you should know why i dont want to leave you right? and you should know why am i doing all this to you. ive had enough of crying over for you. please, please and please, understand how i feel for once. i love you.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009 { 4:10 AM }

It's been a long time since i last update. yea, there's alot of things that i wish i could express it here. but i dont think i need to express all, as most part of it is just for my privacy.
Five days left for the Muslims to celeberate Hari Raya. everyone is busy cleaning up thier houses, making kuihs and buying raya stuffs, while im here waiting for my time to go back to my home sweet home. i miss my homie. it's already been one week plus im staying outside. what's the use of having a family? why must all this happen when a special month for us to celebrate? why must all this happen to me? i miss my family so much. mummy, akif, akid, grandma, relatives and dad. but when will i ver gonna meet them? now. but im not allowed to. i cant go back home now. im not allowed to. by who? it's only for me to know. why is he doing this to me? i want to celebrate this raya with my family but with this kind of situation, things really dont allow me to. i used to be so close with him like a friend, boyfriend, brother, dad and an angel to me. but not anymore now. he seems to be hating me so much.but still, every night i keep remembering of him. looking at his passport photo in my school lanyard, it really hurts me and i really feel like crying with all my heart. sweetheart? yes, i do have one and i love him so much. but after reading his blog, it truly hurts me and yes, i shed into tears. i would like to thank this a friend of mine that is well known as JabzVocal or ChicoStar. he is Sulhi. he has been all by my side when im feeling really down and nowhere to go. thanks a million Sulhi. i love you friend.he read the post that ♥ posted in his bloggie. seriously, im sad. why is he doing this to me? does he still love his ex till now? the what am i to him?i've heard alot of things from people arund me. but i ignore whatever they said. cause when i really love someone, i will forget whatever he have in the past and start afresh. and the most important thing, i would really want to put a trust on him. as you know every relationship needs a trustworthy between each other right? i really dont understand why do guys really love to hurt a girls feeling. but i believe not every guy have the same heart, right? i really love him so much and i dont wish to loose him. damn, im really in a deep dilemma. ♥, i really love you so much. but please dont do this to me. i hate for what i am now. i never deny that i do make mistakes being with him. but every mistake that i made, i will never fail to say sorry. if its really true that he still keep thinking of his ex, so i guess whatever ive been giving him all this while, is all just a trash to be thrown in the bin. its all a waste. you can ask whoever who know me, how much i really love this guy. why am i so weak when im being with him, until my friends didnt even know me. they kept asking me, where did the old Rara went? where did the old Rara that they know went? im sorry friends, i dont have an answer for that. all i know, whatever i have done for him all this while is all a sincere one. today, its already been 1 month 23 days ive been together with him. i really hope things like what i expected will come true. i need nothing else besides a true love. everyone wants it right? a pure and sincere love from a party right? and yes, that is what i ever wanted. i cant always think of enjoyment. i had enough of all that cause i know i will never be happy without a true love. i really had enough of playing around in a relationship. with a miserable life i had now, i cant find a ny happiness in my family, in my realtionship and in myself. all i wish now is to have all these three happiness. you can easily say that you love someone. but have you ever thought whether is it a true one and a sincere one? what the hell for if you love a person just for a few days and after that you keep hurting them? its totally no use. if you really love a person, be truthful and love them truly. dont easily say that thats your true love. find out what true love really is and you would understand. and yes, i realise that until now i cant say out that ive found a true love now, until i really get and feel the true love from this guy.
im sorry to those whom i kept putting a hard time in your life. thanks for everything for those who have been helping me all this while. to a friend called Sulhi, thanks for all your helps. i really appreciate all those from you and im truly sorry if there's some parts when i hurt you. and to ♥, sorry for all my wrongdoings and believe me, i love you so much. 2009 Hari Raya, there's no happiness for me to go through. thank you for reading people and sorry for the really late updates.

Monday, August 3, 2009 { 6:16 PM }

morning loves. thres nothing much to elaborate after yesterday's update. im naw in dha MLC lab in school. taking this opportunity to keep updating my used to be dead blog. haha. so anyway yesterday waited fo Akid bro to end hys learning journey in ITE East. they end at 4.30pm. so while waiting , went to MLC and& i dont take a long time on dha comp . as im so super sleepy annd& fall asleep. two of my classmates wake me up annd& im down to fetched Akid bro at dha forum when i got a cal from Dandiar's numbe. rushed down to dha forum to meet Akid then off to dha bustop. headed to Pasi Ris annd& slacked for awhile at dha 451 annd back home . ny ary rara satu ary tydo . penaaat sangatsangat. annd& today , i woke up late fo school . check2 sampai skulaa , first class cancel .pantat . buat orng kelam kabot je naaak siaaap . tsk . okeh , that's all fo today . will update moree .

Loves,
Rara